Still in the journey of becoming the total package of a Helpmeet, we will consider The Purposeful Helpmeet today.
To be purposeful means to be intentional. The purposeful woman is a new breed of female. She is one who takes care of her family but also have an active life outside the home. The truth is, you can’t be a purposeful helpmeet if you’re not a purposeful woman. So, everything about being a purposeful helpmeet start from you and the quality of person you are. It is also knowing what you want from life as a woman and being intentional about your life and existence.
What do you want your life to look like?
What is your vision?
How do you see yourself in the next five or ten years?
What are your dreams and deepest heart desire?
What steps are you taking to get there?
These are questions you need to answer sincerely. The clearer you are on what your vision is; the better equipped you will be in actually getting it. It is also important not to confuse vision with goal or that specific thing that makes your heart sing when you think about it. A vision encompasses all of those things and more. Your vision should include where you live, who’s in your life, how much money you have coming in each month, what kind of family you want, how many kids you want to be responsible for, etc.
Being a purposeful woman comprises of:
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Knowing what you want as a woman
If it seems overwhelming asking yourself these questions, please go back to the basics:
What does success mean for me?
What am I passionate about?
How can I make an impact using my gifts/talents/passion?
This type of questioning brings clarity into your life and (naturally) they bring the right people and opportunities into your life too.
Do you dream about owning a house, staying home, and taking care of kids full-time while also working from home on an online business or side hustle? You just need to know what kind of life you want to have as a woman and not what the society thinks you should have.
Some women say, “My children are my life”. I know sometimes women say this out of passion and affection but really, your children cannot be your life. When they grow and start off their lives, what will happen to your life?
My mom calls me virtually every day. I’ve not seen her in four years because we are oceans apart. I understand that she misses us—all three children are out of the house, starting their lives, two of us with our nuclear families. I understand the empty nest syndrome. She has a husband and she’s a civil servant, yet she still feels that vacuum. Despite having a life of her own in some way, she still feels the vacuum and she calls to keep in touch with us. So, if your children are your life, what happens when they have their own life? It seems women tend to feel the empty nest syndrome more than men, because I can go one month without calling my dad but not so with my mom.
So, being a purposeful helpmeet is for yourself and your own good. No marriage, husband or kids can fill the vacuum not being purposeful create in your life.
Let me get a little personal with you. One particular Sunday morning, my husband and I were chatting on our way to church and talking about death because a family friend just lost his dad and he still has a mom. He said his parents were so close. So, we got talking about ourselves and I asked my husband what would happen when either of us dies. I asked him how he would cope, then, I asked myself what I’d do with my life if my husband dies too (in old age). We were actually talking jokingly, so it wasn’t a serious conversation. Anyways, the point of this is that, in the midst of the conversation, I was thinking about my life, picturing how my life would be when kids are gone to start their lives and when there’s no marriage.
I know we shy away from difficult conversations like this but it’s the reality of life. So, you’ve got to be purposeful and live your life with a sense of purpose.
“Live passionately, be intentional about every decision of your life and don’t do things because society wants you to.”
I want you to find time to meditate on the questions raised already and get answers. You need to know what your dreams are. I must confess that raising a family is hard work! It’s not easy. But you can either make excuses or make progress, you can’t make both. Some have buried their dreams under marital responsibilities. Some have forgotten their dreams or what they used to desire due to the cares of life while some don’t even know what they want anymore. And others have joined the bandwagon, doing things because everyone is doing them.
I’m here to rekindle that which you’ve left dormant in you. There is more to you. Don’t settle! That’s what being a purposeful woman is all about (being intentional about your life.)
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Knowing what you want, regardless of society’s expectations
Even if being a stay-at-home mom is what you want, that’s fine! You just have to put measures in place to ensure your financial security. So, whatever it is you want, whatever dreams you have in your heart, whatever you want your life to look like, being intentional about it is being a purposeful woman.
Your husband will enjoy and respect you more, when you’re intentional about your life. He knows you’re not just there. He married a woman who knows what she wants from life.
And if you were a purposeful single woman, you wouldn’t marry a man who is insecure because you’d know what you want in a man and choose accordingly. The truth is, if you are not a purposeful single woman, it will be difficult to be a purposeful married woman because “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?”
Women of Worth, take those steps to be purposeful in life. Cheers!
Questions and Answers
Question 1: What is the similarity between Dream and Purpose? And what is the difference?
Answer
Talking from Christian perspective, Dream and Purpose are similar and they’re used interchangeably. But I understand dream to be a product of purpose.
Purpose is discovered in God, your creator. He made you; only He knows what He wants you to do with your life. You can’t come up with your Purpose by yourself. It must be discovered in God. When you discover it, it forms your Dream. Therefore, your Dream is tied to your Purpose.
Question 2: I really desire to be a working-class wife or a career woman but circumstance hindered my desire and dream, which made me settle for business or something else. With this, have I deviated from my dream?
Answer
I believe where there’s a will, there’s a way. Nothing can stop you, if you don’t let it stop you. If you have a circumstance hindering your desire, find out the price you have to pay to get rid of those hindrances.
Also, starting a business doesn’t mean you’re not a career woman. You are! Your desire can find expression in another path. The most important thing is that, you’re progressing, making moves, and not giving excuses.
We have different route to get to the market. So, you can be a classy working lady and career woman in your business too. It’s all about how you carry yourself and your business.
Question 3: As a married woman, how can you live a purposeful life without being selfish? I mean how do you fulfill your purpose while supporting your spouse to fulfill his too?
Answer:
Marriage is partnership and couples who want to be fulfilled individually and as a couple must be ready to work as a team. If you’re working as a team, there won’t be any case of selfishness because your win will be your man’s win, and his win will be yours.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish, putting yourself first, in order to achieve a greater goal. A man who roots for you will not accuse you of being selfish because he knows that’s not you. Pursuing your dreams will come with a price, it’ll come with sacrifices. This cannot be counted as selfishness.
For instance, if you want to further in your education and you have kids. Sometimes, the man will have to take care of the kids while you read or prepare for exams. That’s not selfishness because you will also be ready to do the same if it’s the man.
Just marry someone who has a team spirit and one who want you to be your best.
Discussion Corner
Contribution 1
Being purposeful gives you value as a woman; it makes your husband adore you (for a secured man). It may cause insecurity for some men and that’s an entirely different case.
May God help us to fulfill our individual purposes even while playing our roles in the home simultaneously. Amen.
Contribution 2
For anyone who has fear of being rejected in her purpose pursuit, I want you to know that even when you’re rejected in one thing, you definitely will learn from it which adds up to the knowledge you’ve had before. This will give you thousands of steps ahead of your peers.
Accepting a ‘NO’ doesn’t mean anything. It’s just the start of a new beginning.
Topic: The Purposeful Helpmeet
Lecturer: Olubunmi Mabel
Date Delivered: Wednesday 22nd September, 2021.