The Knowledgeable Helpmeet

Still in the Helpmeet series, we are looking at The Knowledgeable Helpmeet in our lecture today.

A Helpmeet simply means a ‘suitable helper’ and today we want to look at ways in which we can be suitable to our husbands as per knowing basic information related to them. The question we might want to ask now is,

In what ways can I be a Knowledgeable Helpmeet?

The following points will help lead the way:

 

• KNOW HIS GOD

There is need for you to know that going to God (which includes matters that involve your husband) should be your first line of action and not the last resort. God is the manufacturer and only Him knows how best a product (husband in this case) can work. You have to commit him to God’s hands from time to time; don’t get tired of talking to God on his behalf.

This brings to mind the first two years of our marriage when I usually pray aggressively for my husband every night. I pray for everything good for him and we are still reaping the fruit till date. When you keep committing him unto God’s care, you are indirectly praying for yourself too, just like the Yoruba Proverb that says ‘ìrọ̀run igi ni ìrọ̀run ẹyẹ’ loosely translated as, ‘the comfort of the tree is the comfort of the bird’. This doesn’t have to be every seconds in 24hrs, just five minutes of consistent effort can go a long way in his life.

 

• KNOW HIS FRIENDS

Can you confidently say that you know who your husband’s closest friend is apart from you?

Or who does he run to for counsel?

How close are you to the people who counsel him?

How confident are you in him/her/them?

It’s not just okay for you to know them but, are you confident enough to know that they are giving him good advice?

These questions need sincere answers from you. If your answers are positive, I commend you to keep up the good job. But if negative, try to be close to them. Check on them often, pray for them too so that they can point your husband in a good direction. Don’t forget “…evil communications corrupt good manners.”

 

• KNOW HIS INTERESTS

Every human on earth has a thing or more that catches their fancy. Discover your husband’s own and let it be of interest to a good extent to you. This is not to say they must automatically become your own best interest but at least know a little about it.

For example, if your husband loves Football, what Football club does he support? Can you name at least three players in that club? Not that when he mentions Messi (Football Player), you ask if that is a latest Restaurant or he mentions Cante (Football Player) and you are wondering if he’s a Gospel Musician. Or he mentions that Manchester United is playing and you are asking when they will be disunited.

Instead of nagging and being fussy whenever he wants to go outside the house to watch football, ask him what match he’s going to watch. When he comes back, engage him by asking for the scores, who could have done better on the field etc.

This has really helped me in contributing to discussions at my place of work because it is male dominated and they are all Football lovers. Imagine how boring working with them would have been if I don’t show interest in my husband’s favorite Sport.

What kind of Music does he like?

What Sport does he engage in?

Who is his favorite Preacher?

Who is his favorite Musician and what is his/her latest album?

My husband loves Dunsin Oyekan (Nigerian Gospel Music Artist) so much; we listen to his songs to and from work almost every day. I don’t have any of his songs personally on my phone but I know how to sing his songs. This has made us bond some more on this level. Not that he will be playing Dunsin Oyekan and I will be listening to Tim Godfrey (Nigerian Gospel Music Artist) at the same time with my earpiece.

What kind of Footwear does he like?

What’s his Fashion style?

Is he a ‘jeans and polo’ person?

Is he more into native wears?

Or is Suit his own style?

All these are what you need to know sincerely. Know more about your husband’s interests.

 

• KNOW HIS WORK

Do you know there are actually some women who don’t know their husband’s nature of work? Ask them, they will say he’s a Business man or he works in Oil Company. What does he do exactly? They don’t know.

Men are work oriented. They get this sort of fulfillment when they are busy at work. And no matter how moody a man is; his face lightens up more often than not when you ask about his work.

What aspect of his work does he enjoy most?

Which one gives him tough time?

Who are his allies?

What’s his relationship like with his bosses and subordinates?

Do they even know you at his place of work?

I’m not saying you should over familiarize yourself but show your face once in a while. If he’s the boss, let the atmosphere change (positively) when you come for visitation. If you need to reach him when he’s at work and his number is not going, who can you contact? This really matter.

Bring up discussions about his work and you’ll see his good mood. It helps you bond more with him at home.

 

• KNOW YOUR PLACE IN HIS LIFE

As his wife, you occupy one of the most vital positions in his life and this is a position that God has made and equip you for. His grace is there and sufficient for you. Understand that you occupy an honorable position and carry yourself with such dignity.

I strongly believe you have learnt a thing or two. Always put them to practice.

CHEERS TO BEING A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE HELPMEET!

 

Questions and Answers

Question 1: Hope I won’t become monitoring spirit when I’m doing all that you have talked about?

Answer

No, you won’t. I know all these about my husband, not because I’m snooping around but he will actually mention them during conversation surrounding his work. When you bring up discussion about his work, you will see his good mood.

 

2. As a wife, is it good to always check my husband’s phone?

Answer

The thought of this can only be generated from two things; it could be that a partner is unfaithful or that one is insecure. But one thing is this, if there’s trust issue in any relationship, it won’t thrive until they both see and face it. If trust is lacking in your marriage, it’s not what you can solve alone by doing the work of a detective. Sit your partner down and talk about it. A reasonable lover loves to communicate. They want to talk and tackle anything that might put a strain on their relationship.

 

Anyway, if you have sensed that your partner is cheating and you’ve been seeing the signs, I want to believe that your suspicions are almost correct but it’s not bad if you have to be double sure. Sometimes, finding out early enough can save your husband from getting trapped. 

 

However, this won’t work in a type of marriage where the husband has a habit of cheating. Because checking his phone always to discover who he’s sleeping with at that moment will only give you unnecessarily heart ache. It makes no difference when you see his chats with other women. Face the problem and do what you must do. So, if you’re sure he’s cheating, always checking phone is not a solution in any way.

 

 

Discussion Corner

Experience 1

Going to visit your husband at work is not snooping on him. To me, it is you telling him you are interested in everything that concerns him, even his work.

Was God snooping on us when he counted the hairs on our head?

The little details really counts. Anytime I want to visit my husband at work and I tell him before he leaves home, he loves to pick my dress for that day and will even call me when he is free so I can come. Sometimes, I pay him surprise visit and he takes me to almost all his bosses’ offices to show me off (the guy likes to show me off anywhere). I have almost all these bosses’ contacts because whenever they are sick, my husband does not hesitate to tell them his wife is a nurse.

 

Experience 2

Trust me these things have great advantage. I was sick around April/May; I called my husband at work to tell him I’m not feeling too good, he had to take permission from work to come home. Almost all his bosses called him to speak with me that day; they even gave him days off work to take care of me. Well, I have good relationship with his co-workers and bosses and so I enjoy the sweet dividend.

 

Topic: The Knowledgeable Helpmeet

 

Lecturer: Toyin Ogunbameru

 

Date Delivered: Wednesday, 25th August 2021.