Women Of Worth (WOW) is a Christian wives’ WhatsApp group that has been existing since 31st July, 2017. And this post is the lecture delivered in commemoration of WOW’s 4th anniversary themed The Diary Of A Helpmeet by Pastor Sophia Okunowo on 29th July, 2021.
The topic, The Diary of a Helpmeet is a very lovely topic.
It is God’s desire for every woman to be a Helpmeet. That is His purpose for creating her in the first place.
The Bible, Easy-to-Read Version of Genesis 2:18 says,
“Then the Lord God said, ‘I see that it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make the companion he needs, one just right for him.’”
If you are a believer that has the Holy Spirit, you will want to be a Helpmeet indeed for your husband because that is where fulfillment is. But a lot of us women have challenges and struggle to fulfill our God’s given mandate. The devil hates marriages and he wants to see the purpose of God thwarted in marriages. He wants to bring confusion, misunderstanding, division and different languages; where the husband is speaking a language different from what the wife is speaking. If the devil wants to attack the man who is the crown of God’s creation; the possessor of the seed, the subtle way to go is to attack the helper which is the woman.
Women, we are the endangered species. We are under intense attack like never before. There are many homes and marriages under the attack of the enemy right now, even pastors and believers are not left out. But the good news is that the devil is a liar. By the Blood of Jesus we have the victory, Jesus gave us the victory. The stone that was forsaken has become the corner stone. Hallelujah!
The woman is anointed to be the Helpmeet for the man. So in this battle you must recognize who the real enemy is. The Bible says, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh…” (2 Corinthians 10: 3 KJV). Our warfare is not against flesh and blood.
You are in an invisible warfare. Whether you like it or not, you and I are in a battle. Even if your marriage is a day, a year or 20 years old, it is a battle against you fulfilling your God’s given mandate of being a Helpmeet.
Here are 4 things to know and understand:
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Understand Who The Enemy Is
The devil is the liar and the father of all lies. He tells you the opposite of what the Word (Bible) says, opposite of what Jesus says. He accuses you to your husband and accuses your husband to you. He causes division, misunderstanding, strife, malice etc. He paints your husband as the enemy and makes you attack him when in the real sense he is the enemy. So until you understand who the enemy is, you would never be able to function as a Helpmeet. You can never fulfill your assignment as a Helpmeet this way with the attacks the devil launches every day.
Apart from your husband, the devil has other mediums through which he expresses himself. It can be your in-laws, friends, finances, or colleagues at work.
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Understand Your Weapons Of Warfare
You should understand that The Blood and The Word are your weapons of warfare. This is so important because your victory is tied to how much of your weapons you know and understand.
The Blood of Jesus is so important in your fight to fulfilling your destiny and purpose. Plead the Blood of Jesus every day and as often as you can on your marriage, your husband and yourself.
You must also be ready to fight according to the Word of God. The Word of God in Ephesians 5:22 KJV says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
You fight in this battle by your obedience to the Scriptures. The Bible says “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” (1 Peter 3:1, 2 KJV). You can win your husband by your chaste behavior even when he is not obeying and honoring the scriptures by loving you.
So, you as a wife need to come to the understanding that obedience to the Word of God and pleading the Blood of Jesus over your husband are your weapons of warfare in marriage.
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Understand Yourself
As a wife that seeks to fulfill her mandate of being a Helpmeet, you have to understand yourself and understand your husband in terms of each other’s love languages and temperaments. Understanding each other’s temperaments and love languages is the study or knowledge of temperaments and love languages, which go hand in hand. The battle for you to fulfill your mandate and become a fulfilled person in life will come by you having victory in the place of knowledge.
For example; the knowledge of your money language can save your marriage from unnecessary crisis. Therefore, you must fight ignorance.
A. Temperament: It is either you are, or your husband is:
- Choleric – The hot tempered, insensitive, impatient, harsh, cruel, uncaring, highly opinionated, quick and fast, self centered temperament who is a goal setter, achiever, self motivated and full of ideas.
- Sanguine – The extrovert, who is careless, doesn’t think deeply, not a problem solver, hates challenges, never serious, pleases everybody, selfish, fun loving, jovial and sensitive personality.
- Phlegmatic– The one who lacks self motivation, fearful, stubborn, cold, laid back, doesn’t like challenges, pleasant, peace loving, faithful, deep thinker, and problem solving temperament.
- Melancholy– The introvert, who love his/her space, deep thinker that reads meaning to everything, lack self motivation, easily depressed, given to mood swings, easily discouraged, fearful, gifted, slow and careful temperament.
Do you know the temperaments are wonderful in their own ways? That’s because God has all 4 temperaments and we all are a part of God.
With the explanation of these temperaments, you will have a primary or dominant temperament and a secondary one with all the weaknesses and strengths of the temperament.
B. Love Languages: They are the ways you receive and feel loved. One of the major causes of problems in marriage is when you and your spouse are speaking different love languages that each of you do not understand.
Therefore, a wife that will be a Helpmeet must have her love tank or emotional account deposited into constantly.
The Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation: If you feel loved whenever you are spoken to in a kind and lovely manner, it means this is your language and you need the fuel of kind words spoken always to you.
- Quality Time: It is your love language if you feel loved when you do things and spend time together.
- Acts of Service: If you feel loved and cared for whenever your spouse does something for you or assists in chores, it shows this is your love language.
- Physical Touch: This speaks volume to you when you are touched. You feel connected to your spouse whenever he gives you a touch of assurance and holds you to show affection.
- Gifts: Feeling loved when your spouse gives gifts to you. It doesn’t mean you are being materialistic, you just sense love whenever you are gifted. It shows to you that you are in his thoughts.
All these expression of love must be studied well to know the dynamics of operating them.
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Understanding And Operating The Spirit Of Joy
Most women are hurt and wounded. They have being battered deep in their souls. Wounded so much it will only take the Balm of Gilead to heal and sooth their pain. The accuser of the brethren (Devil) have gone into operation and stolen the joy and peace of these precious helpers. The husbands that should bind them with the anointing of the Head to make them whole again are busy judging, criticizing, and shaming them. Instead of shielding and washing them by the Word of God, they are busy tongue lashing them. The plan of the enemy is to crush the wives by using their husbands. They become demoralized; they cannot fulfill purpose and meet the husbands’ needs of being effective Helpmeets. The husband out of frustration complains, the wife reacts negatively to her husband and the cycle continues. The wife is not fulfilling her God given mandate as a Helpmeet and the devil seem to be having a free day.
But the devil is a liar. God has a Joker to still play. Just like when the serpent bit the Israelites in the wilderness, God told them if they could look at the brazen image of the serpent as it hung on the pole they will be healed. God has a victory weapon to play for every woman to have victory over the onslaught of the enemy. I believe it is the spirit of Joy. God always want us to do the opposite of what we are going through so that our victory can be achieved.
The Bible in Isaiah 54:1 KJV says, “Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst travail with child…”
It is a mystery for women who are wounded and hurt to possess the spirit of Joy. And as you embrace this mystery, God will give you the victory back in Jesus Name. Amen.
Fulfilling our mandate as a Helpmeet is a matter of fulfilling Heaven’s mandate. No matter the obstacle, opposition, challenge or discouragement we encounter, we are to push through. God has given us all things to make victory available.
Conclusion: The Diary of a Helpmeet is about the different victories we record daily on our way to fulfilling our God given mandate of being a Helpmeet.
May we all receive strength and grace to fulfill our purpose and mandate as Helpmeets in Jesus Name. Amen.
Questions and Answers
Question 1: As you have made us to know that the devil attacks the home, by making us his tool. Does it mean our husbands are not having any role to play to make the marriage a successful one?
Answer
The two people in the home have their roles to play to keep the devil at a distance in their home. It is not only the woman’s duty to hold the home. The man and woman have things in their capacity that they can do to keep the home peaceful and both should readily do that.
But in a situation where the home is being attacked via the husband, the wife should stand up to the task to save her marriage, knowing that the husband is only being manipulated to destroy the home. At that point in time, only the wife can see clearly, hence, only she can take up that role of fighting for the home.
Question 2: In a situation whereby the husband misbehaves to the extent of womanizing and even going violent against his wife, all efforts to pray to save the marriage seems futile because the man who the wife is not even seeing as the enemy is not cooperating. What can the woman do to save her marriage?
Also, at what point in marriage can a woman file for a divorce and remarry?
Answer
I want to believe anyone experiencing this kind of situation in her marriage knows that there’s a need for a marriage counselor to step in. This is because, there’s no umbrella solution to issues like this. There are lots of questions to be asked to know exactly where the problem is generating from.
So, the question of “what can the wife do…?” She should speak to a Christian marriage counselor or their Pastor.
Concerning the question of divorce, I would say there’s no specific time or point where divorce can comfortably be preached. It all depends on the situation and the people involved. But I usually say Divorce should be the very last thing. You must have exhausted all, including the first point I mentioned earlier- Speaking to a counselor or someone who could help. If after praying, inviting a third-party to step in, taking some steps in the natural as the situation requires and nothing is changing especially if your life is being threatened, you should leave as a matter of urgency. Reverend Funke Felix-Adejumo said “The covenant of life is greater than that of marriage” and I can’t agree less. It is a person who is alive that can fight for her marriage. So, run, if that’s what you have to do to save your life.
One thing I believe is, at every point in the life of a child of God, God is always happy to give you instructions, even if the situation you found yourself was your doing, God never forsakes. So, keep praying and the Lord will guide you on what next to do. But as much as God hates divorce, He hates more that you die in an abusive marriage.
Question 3: Does feminism have any part in Christendom? I mean can a lady be a feminist and at the same time a Heaven-bound Christian?
Answer
Feminism is not in the Bible. So, I won’t say it is christianly. More so, I see it’s being used as a battle tool for gender equality. Meanwhile, I personally don’t see a need for this amongst God’s people. We are different, male and female. Even as females, we are still different individuals, there’s no point fighting equality. I understand it’s a reaction to how women have been treated as second class citizens. But what I think should be fought in this case instead is the culture that suppresses women. Men didn’t do that to us. Even culture happened to them and that’s how some found themselves in that position to suppress.
Let me give an illustration to explain my point. Let’s say there’s a system where I work that places the Whites over the Blacks. And this has been the practice for years and it’s usually expressed in the way Blacks are treated versus Whites, in the positions they allow Blacks to take and the kind of demand that is put on Blacks. Now, this system is making the Whites walk with ‘50-50’ shoulder pads and making them treat the Blacks as trash.
In my own opinion, if Blacks are going to protest, it should be against the system and not the Whites. Because even that system is affecting the Whites and they should protest too, except they are enjoying what the system is doing to them. So, if we will fight for Blacks, we should face the system and not the co-receivers of what the system is throwing.
Same way, the man is not the woman’s problem. And if as a woman, you’re being suppressed by your husband, that then is your marriage problem, face it and don’t declare a war against all men.
Come to think of it, would a feminist submit to her husband? That’s why I said it’s not scriptural.
Question 4: Apart from praying and trusting God for a change, are there no actions a woman can display? You know some things might just be common sense.
Answer
First, I’ll like to say praying and trusting God doesn’t and shouldn’t end in praying. One of the things that happen when you pray is that God gives you insight. He opens your eyes to solutions in the natural that are around you which you might never have noticed.
So yes, aside praying and doing what prayers open your eyes to; there are several actions you can take depending on the issue on ground and the kind of thing that works for your marriage. For instance, you could talk to someone you know can step into the situation. It could be in form of counseling hours or simply talking to someone your spouse respects, who would be happy to come in.
The point is there are many things you can actually do to help the situation in your marriage even out of common sense, as long as the common sense is not against scriptural values, because what we’re looking at here is a Christian home.
Topic: The Diary of a Helpmeet
Lecturer: Pastor Sophia Okunowo
Date Delivered: Thursday 29th July, 2021